Hurricane Sandy

Growing up in NYC, I never had to worry about natural disasters.  We don't experience strong earthquakes, hurricanes, tornados, or even droughts.  Even when Hurricane Irene hit NYC last year and everyone was in a frenzy, we got through it okay.  However, today Hurricane Sandy is a different story.  It is a lot stronger than Irene and it is the first time I feel a little nervous because of the weather.
I'm sitting at home on a Monday because school is cancelled.  Despite the fact that I'm a little nervous, I know I'm safe.  I'm safe from the winds, the water, and the flooding.  I have food, water, a warm bed, and clothes in my house.  I have electricity, running water, my family and my home.  I feel completely grateful and at the same time very privileged   I'm safe and warm while thousands of people are homeless or in shelters due to evacuation.  I'm not worried about school or work while other people need to get back to their jobs for a paycheck that will feed their families.  I hear the wind and rain banging against my window, but I'm not hurt by it the way so many others are.  I hear the firetrucks and ambulances passing by my house knowing that someone is hurt out there because of the storm, while I'm without a scratch.
I hope that the storm passes quickly and I hope that people are safe.

East Asian Dramas

I LOVE LOVE east asian dramas.  I love Korean, HK, Taiwanese, and Japanese dramas! I remember the first Korean drama I watched with my parents, I've rewatched "Hana Yori Dango" a million times, and I've watched HK dramas for as long as I can remember.  All my closest friends know that my perfect "Jessie Days" are really just sitting in my room watching dramas all day.  I've never really had a problem with dramas but I started noticing that I'm having more and more issues with the kind of messages they often stress.
For example:

1. When you have a child out of wedlock, you have to do the "responsible thing" by getting married.  Regardless of the situation, parent's circumstances and needs.  As long as you get married and set up this "perfect" family for the child, you will be happy.
2. Abortions are the worst thing in the world because you're murdering a child.
3. Even if the man is terrible to you, as long as he "protects you" or "saves you" from a bad situation, then he is a good guy.
4. Men and women almost always have very strict gender roles.  Women must cook, clean, take care of babies, while men work hard, make a lot of money, and drives.
5. A women's greatest role is to be a mother.
6. If the man cheats in a relationship, the other woman gets slapped in the face.

These dramas tell women that in order to have this "perfect" romance that the main characters have, you have to be a loving mother, women, and stick to the strict gender roles given to you by our society.  It tells men that it's okay to be an ass, act violently or rashly, as long as you can come in a "save the day."

Fall for Heels

My senior year has started and like most seniors, my friends and I have made a conscious decision to go out and enjoy ourselves for the remainder of our college career.  To prepare myself for this year, my best friend and I went shoe shopping in search for "comfortable" going-out heels.  At the end of our trip, we each bought three pairs of shoes and we were so excited!
Later that night, I went out wearing a pair of those beautiful shoes I bought and had a blast.  However, even though I had a lot of fun that night, I couldn't ignore the soreness in my legs and my feet begging me to take off my shoes!  Once I got home, I ripped off my shoes and went to bed, hoping that enough sleep will heal me.  The next night, we went out again.  This time, I tried to wear the other pair of shoes I bought last night (4 inch stilettos) and I just couldn't.  My legs were already sore, and I knew that there was no way I could stand on my feet for more than 10mins.  I decided to trade my 4 inch stilettos with my 3 inch wedges.  At that moment, I was pissed!
Why did I have to pick shoes with any heels? Why are women expected to wear these uncomfortable things just so they can destroy their posture, feet, and legs?  So often, I hear women and men tell me that heels are cute and they make you look so sexy.  I can't say that I disagree because I own quite a few pair of heels and when I wear them (on a good day), I feel taller, more confident, and sexier.  Yet, aren't these all social constructs created to  make women less themselves and less comfortable.  Even though men might find a woman wearing heels to be sexier than those who don't, these same heels also give men the excuse to call women clumsy and make women more dependent on them.  Honestly, I can probably dance better and sexier without my 4 inch stilettos because they are really (what my best friend calls them) "standing" shoes.

Who's Celebrating Labor Day?

Happy Labor Day!

For me, Labor Day has always been a day that meant: hot sales, BBQs, last day to wear white (dumb rule) and a day off from school and work!  This year instead of going to a BBQ or hanging out with family, I took a mental health day and spent my day at home to knock some stuff off my "to do" list.  In the morning, I decided to get my eyebrows done because God knows it has been a long time and VERY high on my "to do" list.  To my surprise, not only was my eyebrow threading place open, so were most of the shops in my neighborhood.  As I was waiting for my turn to get my brows done, I looked out the window and couldn't help but question the real reason and meaning of Labor Day.  Yes it probably was a "Happy Labor Day" to all those who had off, hosted/went to a BBQ, hung out with friends and family, went shopping, or just spent the day chilling at home.  But what about to those who had to keep the shops open for the Labor Day sales, kept the MTA running, and had to do what they do every Monday?  Labor Day isn't the "unofficial" last day of summer for them.  Labor Day isn't a day off or a day to relax.  Labor Day is just every other work day. If anything, Labor Day is worse than any other work day because they probably have to do more to deal with all those people off of work "enjoying" this Labor Day.

If Labor Day was really meant to reward the people who had to work all year around to maintain our economy and country, shouldn't the working class be included?  If it's not possible to create such a day, than maybe we should rethink what we are really celebrating on this holiday.

Just Say Something

Recently, my mom and I have been talking a lot about the future.  Since I'm graduating soon, my mom doesn't hesitate to tell me her dreams and expectations for me.  Honestly, even though she is one of the greatest supporters for my education, she also thinks that I can never truly be happy unless I have a family with a husband and babies.  For the longest time I've never said anything because although I don't believe that getting a husband and children will magically make my life perfect, I also don't know what will and I lack the proper "proof" to argue with her.  But recently, despite the fact that I still don't know what will make my life perfect and wonderful in the future, I've start to realize that it doesn't matter.  I should let it known to her that I don't entirely agree anyway.

If you have extremely strict Chinese parents, you might know that these conversations come with a lot of drama, arguing, some tears, and a lot of "you don't know what you're talking about."  Yet, after a few chats, even though I don't think my mom has completely changed her mind, I can see that she might be accepting my thought process as just a different way of thinking about my life.  She might not think it's the "absolute right" way of thinking, but at least it's not "wrong."  It's just different, which might be all that you need to start changing something that is so engrained in someone's morals and values.

Yes, it is easier said that done, especially if you're not a very confrontational person.  But if you don't say anything, people just assume you agree.  That might actually be worse than keeping the peace (at least for me)!

"Bunheads" Pilot Thoughts

So I'm starting a new show called Bunheads and I'm enjoying it so far.  However, I couldn't help but over analyze the pilot (yes, like I do with everything I watch).  But first, here is a short synopsis of the first episode:
Michelle Simms, former ballerina who ended up as a Las Vegas showgirl, was about to get a big break: she got an audition for "Chicago."  However, after one look, she was rejected.  Feeling completely helpless without any promising career and life ahead, she drunkenly agrees to marry her persistent admirer, Hubbell Flowers.  They move into his quiet and sleepy hometown, Paradise, CA.  Hubbell promises Michelle an exciting and fulfilling life, but he is killed in a car accident.

Now here is where I have a problem.  Not only is she portrayed as helpless because she's aging and unwanted (which is unfortunately a very real, sexist, and agist problem that the ballet and dancing world has), the only way she can get a new life is by marrying this man she barely knows??  All we know is that he thinks she is beautiful and wants her as his wife.  Although we don't know anything about this man, he is portrayed as her only solution, her knight in shining armor, the man that will take care of her; therefore, we trust and love him.  She has no agency in her life and even agreeing to marry him, she was drunk and lacked complete control.  Why are we so accepting of this predicament?  It's okay that she's not wanted because of her age.  It's okay that this strange man proposes to her and loves her only because of her beauty. It's okay that she agrees to let this man take her away to this strange place to give her "everything" women are suppose to want.  Does she even really want to be a suburban house wife?  The whole concept takes away the possibility for her to carve out the life she wants for herself and the only way to get it is by marrying this man.  To put it roughly: she's going to be a trophy wife and that's the best she can do for herself.
Review: not impressed

The New York Magazine "Sex Issue"

This month, The New York Magazine released a "special double issue" all about sex.  I haven't read the entire issue yet but from what I've read, it's really interesting.  The issue doesn't only talk about heterosexual sex and couples but also other sexual acts that considered out of the "norm".  For example, the article has small excerpts discussing feet fetish, online dating, older couples, prostitution, S&M, bisexuality, and others.  There are also longer articles about heterosexual married couples, "throuple's" (3 boyfriends), and sex between elderly.
From what I've read, the articles are not meant to promote heterosexuality or be discriminatory.  It simple introduces and highlights other forms of sexualities that exists in our society, more specifically, NYC.  Many of the articles have a "matter of fact" kind of tone and some are even written in the perspective of the participants.  I think this issue is a good step towards removing stigma often attached to many acts that are not considered traditional heterosexual acts.

Women's Rights in the Chinese Community

I think for most people, including myself, China and Chinese people are relatively liberal and modern.  Women and men are allowed to have jobs, go to college, choose their partners and so on.  Yes, China is still a Communist nation, but we can live with that because they make almost everything we buy and they listen to the U.S.  In other words, even tho they aren't Capitalist, they aren't "bad Communist" and they "support freedom."
I think this is very interesting because you hardly ever hear how China is suppressing their women.  But the sexualities and expectations of Chinese women (in China and anywhere else in the world) are pretty strictly controlled.  Even though women are allowed to go to school and such, they are also expected to want a family and one day drop everything they know to support and raise their children and husband.  Women are suppose to remain virgins till marriage and they get passed on from their father's house to their husband's house through marriage ONLY.  Almost everything she does is used to judge whether she will be a fit mother and wife.
Sounds like I'm talking about Ancient China, but unfortunately, it's still true today.  Even myself, born and raised in NYC, I was raised to believe that to be a "good" Chinese, I'm suppose to have Chinese friends, meet a nice Chinese boy, marry that nice Chinese boy, and then make little Chinese babies.  Although my parents have always supported me in my education, they have also stressed the importance of taking care of my family later.  It is expected that once I have children, I am to devote all my time (quit my job) to them.
For the longest time, I couldn't argue with them.  Even though I didn't believe that that's how it has to be, I know it's their belief and part of their culture.  Since these expectations aren't unreasonably demanding, I've had no reason to step up to them.  It's interesting because I don't think anyone really criticizes Chinese customs because they aren't as extreme as certain cultures.  Even in the Gender Studies sphere, I hear a lot about gender issues in India, Egypt, Iraq, and so on, but barely any from China.  It's true that Chinese customs no longer require arranged marriages or forbid women from going to school, but they are not completely liberal either.  Although it's important to talk about issues in India and Egypt and so on, it's just as important talking about issues in "liberal" nations like China and even the U.S.

Marking Your Body

My parents are immigrants from China so they have always been extremely strict with my sister and me.  There are rules about almost everything, but one of the few things they stressed the most were body piercings and tattoos.  My sister and I each got our first set of earrings when we were very young.  It allowed us to wear pretty earrings all our lives.  However, as we got older, we want more piercings (at least I did).  Maybe an other set of earrings above our 1st set or one on our cartilage.  We never wanted anything crazy like a nipple ring or even tongue rings, but it become clear very early on that any other piercings besides the one we already have are unacceptable.  My parent's reason? They make you look inappropriate and low classed (roughly translated from Chinese).  For a long time, I've dreamed of getting more piercings and maybe a tattoo or two (if I ever get over my fear for the pain!); but, I've never thought of actually getting them.
A few months ago, I got a belly ring with a few of my friends.  Yes, it was an act of rebellion but unfortunately it was also a secret act of rebellion. To this day, my parents still don't know I have the ring and I intend on keeping it that way. I've also been obsessed with getting some tattoos, but again, I will probably have to wait until I'm no longer under my parent's roof. The reason I'm talking about tattoos and piercings today is because I don't think I'm the only person with this issue.  It's also not an issue that is unique to Asian families.  Even in America, many people are averted towards tattoos and other body markings. Some are even appalled by them. I found this meme recently that   I thought was perfect: 

If one sees someone with tattoos all over their face or any other place that can't be covered, one would probably assume that this person doesn't have a job or is poor.  Even if one sees a tattoo that one might think is beautiful or is really cool, the reaction would probably be: "that's cool, but I can't do that."

Why is there such a negative reaction towards body markings?  What does it mean when it's acceptable if you can cover it during "formal" or "professional" settings?  I've always wondered where this idea, that when your body is marked, then it is no longer beautiful, comes from.  To me, tattoos and piercings are just tools for people to identify and express themselves. The only difference between body markings and a necklace or a ring is that they aren't permanent.  But what's wrong with that?  Yes, you might regret a tattoo later, but is it any one else's right to judge you because you want your mom's name or some stars on your arm?

Breaking Bad and Masculinity

I've recently started watching Breaking Bad because of the hype (yes, hypes get to me).  It is a good show but more importantly, I think that this show is a really good example of how masculinity is dangerous for men.

I think often times in Feminism and Gender studies, there is a pure focus on the exploitation and consumption of femininity (I'm in no way saying that it's wrong or that I don't believe there should be focused research on women in our society).  However, since our society mainly operates in binary, it makes sense to also understand the production and reproduction of masculinity.  Yes, male privilege is very real, but I also think it comes with a very big price.  I'm not sure if Breaking Bad meant to address this issue but I think it really illustrates the dangers of trying to play the role of "the man."  
For those who haven't seen the show yet, here is a short synopsis and spoilers:
Walter White, an over qualified high school chemistry teacher, learns that he has 3rd Stage inoperable Lung Cancer.  To help his family secure financial stability after his death, he partners up with his former student to cook Crystal Meth (Methamphetamine).  Things accelerate very quickly and he gets trapped in this super complicated and violent drug scene.
At the beginning of the show we learn that Walt is a dedicated father and husband who works several jobs to keep his family above water.  However, after he learns about his illness, the pressure to provide for his family (even after his death) pushes him over the edge.  He gets involved in an extremely violent drug scene to make the money.  He also starts hiding secrets from his family, treat people more aggressively and violently, and gives up some of his morals and values.  Eventually, his family starts to desert him because of his secrets and changes.  There is also a significant amount of peer pressure in the show.  There are many times where his brother-in-law and son calls him a "pussy" and asks if he's "a man" when questioning his behavior and actions.  A employer even pressured him into taking a job by telling him that as a man, it's his sole responsibility to provide to his family, even if they don't want it.  Clearly the language provides us with an extreme display of masculinity and what it can do to a person.
Even though I'm not sure how much this show translate to reality, I'm sure the belief that it's a man's responsibility to provide for his family (no matter what he has to do) is not uncommon.  It becomes important to break apart these responsibility from the identity of masculinity to prevent tragic plots from becoming a reality.

Another thing I want to add is this poster I found just now:

I thought this poster is a very good portrayal of Walt's position.  His wife is a stay at home mom (also pregnant) with a teenage son suffering from Cerebral Palsy.  Both his wife and his children are helpless and they need him to protect and provide for them.  Even though he is sick, he cannot show his suffering and needs because he is the "head of the house."  He's put front and center and he's required to prove his masculinity to his family and to the world.