Virginity (for women)!
Today my friends and I talked about the meaning of virginity and whether it really means anything at all. We agreed that it does mean something (unfortunately), at least for now! Coincidentally, I am reading a book and watching a show that addressed women losing her virginity in her late 20s- early 30s.
The book, "Like a Charm" by Candace Havens, isn't just about Kira's journey to lose her virginity, but there were 2 chapters dedicated to her experience. Turns out Kira is a driven and competitive corporate lawyer that just didn't have the opportunity to lose her virginity. In the book, she meets a sexy man, Caleb, who smells like "pine mixed with man"(p.29) [i'm not a fan of pine, or "man" scent for that matter, so I just imagined that he smelled like after-shave]. When they were about to have sex for the first time, she tells him she's a virgin and he was surprised but takes it pretty well. He wanted to take it slow and "make it special" for her. BUT Kira tells him she doesn't want to wait or make it special, she wants to have sex with him... NOW (LOVED LOVED LOVED that!). So... that's how Kira loses her virginity.
The show, Rebel Wilson's Super Fun Night, was a little different. Kimmie decides that she needs to be more proactive about dating. She goes to a bar (at a hotel) and tries to pick-up a young, "hot" guy but is rejected. BUT a diff. guy down the bar offers to buy her a drink and awk but interesting convo flows. He then invites her up to his hotel room (he leaves for Zimbabwe the next day). She agrees and meets him. He orders champagne and fries for her and starts to strip to some sexy music. Kimmie freaks out and locks herself in the bathroom for a while. Eventually she comes out and they get in bed. The guy tells her that he likes that she "owns her sexuality" and she breaks it to him that she's a virgin. The guy is very surprised and asks, "don't you want your first time to be special?" and she replies "it is special. you ordered fries." (I honestly LOVED that!) They eventually agree to wait a year when he comes back from Zimbabwe to go on a decent date before sex. That's how Kimmie almost loses her virginity.
First, these two examples tell me that there is a very clear narrative and ideal that when a woman loses her virginity... it needs to be special. Let's be real, how many people actually lose their virginity on the beach (don't do it on a beach, sand in your vagina or penis is NOT pretty), under the stars, and falls asleep snuggling with your partner? I didn't and I don't care! Losing my virginity was painful and I'm glad I never have to do it again (at no fault was it my boyfriend's). Now sex is amazing and THAT is what I care about. I really appreciated when Kira told Caleb that she doesn't want to wait, she just wanted to get it over with. She knew what she wanted and went for it. There is nothing wrong with that! There is nothing wrong with wanting it to be special either. BUT we do need to stop telling everyone that the only way to "properly" lose your virginity is to be in a princess fairytale! Also, when Kimmie said that ordering french fries made the experience special for her, I was really really happy and loled so hard. I'm sure the writers wanted to make her seem sad that she can't dream bigger, BUT what's special to everyone is different! Please don't judge people who can't or don't want to lose their virginity like Judy Bloom writes it. Please don't judge people who don't want it to be "special." It's NONE OF OUR BUSINESS if people lost their virginity in a special way or not!
Second, age we lose our virginity. For a long time, it was looked down upon for woman in America to lose her virginity before marriage (people also got married younger so less waiting!). Now, although it is still true for some, many people also except and expect premarital sex. But when did it become strange for women to be 20-30, or whatever year old virgins? If she hasn't lost her virginity in high school or college, then she's either a prude or she's a delicate flower. There are millions of reason for women to stay virgins or to have sex and it's NONE OF OUR BUSINESS!
Basically, this ENTIRE post is an attempt to put a stop into our society's obsessive concern for how and when women lose their virginity! Yes, our friends may want to hear about it (sorry if I pounded you too hard for details!) and maybe you want to talk about it. That's fine! Maybe you don't want to talk about it and that's fine too! But don't EVER let anyone judge you for your choice and DON'T judge anyone for their choices!
Today my friends and I talked about the meaning of virginity and whether it really means anything at all. We agreed that it does mean something (unfortunately), at least for now! Coincidentally, I am reading a book and watching a show that addressed women losing her virginity in her late 20s- early 30s.
The book, "Like a Charm" by Candace Havens, isn't just about Kira's journey to lose her virginity, but there were 2 chapters dedicated to her experience. Turns out Kira is a driven and competitive corporate lawyer that just didn't have the opportunity to lose her virginity. In the book, she meets a sexy man, Caleb, who smells like "pine mixed with man"(p.29) [i'm not a fan of pine, or "man" scent for that matter, so I just imagined that he smelled like after-shave]. When they were about to have sex for the first time, she tells him she's a virgin and he was surprised but takes it pretty well. He wanted to take it slow and "make it special" for her. BUT Kira tells him she doesn't want to wait or make it special, she wants to have sex with him... NOW (LOVED LOVED LOVED that!). So... that's how Kira loses her virginity.
The show, Rebel Wilson's Super Fun Night, was a little different. Kimmie decides that she needs to be more proactive about dating. She goes to a bar (at a hotel) and tries to pick-up a young, "hot" guy but is rejected. BUT a diff. guy down the bar offers to buy her a drink and awk but interesting convo flows. He then invites her up to his hotel room (he leaves for Zimbabwe the next day). She agrees and meets him. He orders champagne and fries for her and starts to strip to some sexy music. Kimmie freaks out and locks herself in the bathroom for a while. Eventually she comes out and they get in bed. The guy tells her that he likes that she "owns her sexuality" and she breaks it to him that she's a virgin. The guy is very surprised and asks, "don't you want your first time to be special?" and she replies "it is special. you ordered fries." (I honestly LOVED that!) They eventually agree to wait a year when he comes back from Zimbabwe to go on a decent date before sex. That's how Kimmie almost loses her virginity.
First, these two examples tell me that there is a very clear narrative and ideal that when a woman loses her virginity... it needs to be special. Let's be real, how many people actually lose their virginity on the beach (don't do it on a beach, sand in your vagina or penis is NOT pretty), under the stars, and falls asleep snuggling with your partner? I didn't and I don't care! Losing my virginity was painful and I'm glad I never have to do it again (at no fault was it my boyfriend's). Now sex is amazing and THAT is what I care about. I really appreciated when Kira told Caleb that she doesn't want to wait, she just wanted to get it over with. She knew what she wanted and went for it. There is nothing wrong with that! There is nothing wrong with wanting it to be special either. BUT we do need to stop telling everyone that the only way to "properly" lose your virginity is to be in a princess fairytale! Also, when Kimmie said that ordering french fries made the experience special for her, I was really really happy and loled so hard. I'm sure the writers wanted to make her seem sad that she can't dream bigger, BUT what's special to everyone is different! Please don't judge people who can't or don't want to lose their virginity like Judy Bloom writes it. Please don't judge people who don't want it to be "special." It's NONE OF OUR BUSINESS if people lost their virginity in a special way or not!
Second, age we lose our virginity. For a long time, it was looked down upon for woman in America to lose her virginity before marriage (people also got married younger so less waiting!). Now, although it is still true for some, many people also except and expect premarital sex. But when did it become strange for women to be 20-30, or whatever year old virgins? If she hasn't lost her virginity in high school or college, then she's either a prude or she's a delicate flower. There are millions of reason for women to stay virgins or to have sex and it's NONE OF OUR BUSINESS!
Basically, this ENTIRE post is an attempt to put a stop into our society's obsessive concern for how and when women lose their virginity! Yes, our friends may want to hear about it (sorry if I pounded you too hard for details!) and maybe you want to talk about it. That's fine! Maybe you don't want to talk about it and that's fine too! But don't EVER let anyone judge you for your choice and DON'T judge anyone for their choices!
2 comments:
hahahah i've never seen the show or read the book, but i love the fries comment. and word, i think i've finally (FINALLY) come to a point where i can be like, fuck it. (haha get it).
When I read "sorry if I pounded you too hard..." in that last paragraph...my mind went to the dirtiest places :P
In re: to virginity - I think everyone should be able to create their own meaning for this experience. Men and women. I agree that there need to be this understanding that there is no such thing as an "ideal" way to lose it (for men or women!) and everyone should have control over how/why/how special or slow that moment is.
<3
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